Dealing With Abuse In The Black Community
By: Nyoki’Nikki
When you think about abuse, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Most of us automatically think about abuse in the physical form. What if I told you abuse also comes in the mental, emotional, and sexual form as well? Eight out Ten women have encountered some form of abuse in their life and have been told to keep it under wraps or had been in fear of their lives.
You would be surprised of how many people you come across daily that have been or is currently going through abuse. These people know how to hide it well, but if you pay close attention, they always show you signs. I was one of them. These people need to know that they are not to blame and being abused is never their fault.
Abusers usually prey on the kindhearted people. I won’t call them weak because you have to be extremely strong to endure that kind of pain. What some people do not realize is that most abusers are products of their past abuse. Their behaviors either came from being in an abusive environment or being abused themselves and haven’t gone through the proper form of therapy to deal with their trauma. 95% of the time the victim knows their abuser who is often a family member.
In the black community we were brainwashed to keep quiet and to brush things under the rug, which has stemmed from slavery days. We were abused and many killed all while having to sit there and just take it. This needs to change immediately. Another reason why many victims don’t speak out is because of the back lash and victim shaming that has been thrown around when someone comes forth about their experience. If you have never been in an abusive situation then before you speak on it try to understand and gain some knowledge of it.
Abuse will damage a person’s mental, so to have other people shame you and poke fun can cause victims to fall into depression and then possibly commit suicide. No form of abuse is greater than the other because it all causes pain and the same way you cannot compare abuse; you cannot compare victims. Everyone is different and handles life situations differently. Some people are able to escape immediately while others need a little more time realizing what danger they are in.
Abusers are usually narcissist, who are very good at manipulating their victims into thinking it’s their fault. They also flip the script and try to play the victim so that the actual victim will feel guilty for leaving. Once that has occurred it gets harder by the day for the victim to leave. The victim then starts to think that this is a form of love instead of abuse and may even then begin to defend the abuser. If you are reading this and you’re a victim of abuse; in NO WAY shape or form is abuse to be taken as LOVE! GET OUT NOW!
Dealing with sexual abuse for 7 years during childhood definitely damaged my mental because I was always told to keep quiet about it. It continued for so long to the point where I started to think certain behaviors were normal and it affected all my relationships in my adulthood. My self esteem was low, I was very timid and let people walk all over me, I also started looking for love in all the wrong places. It took a lot of strength, work and faith to pull myself out of that slump.
Once you deal with one type of abuse you are pretty much susceptible to all types of abuse. It became a norm for me and the physical and emotional abuse followed suit, but because I was trained from young not to say anything and just deal with it, that’s exactly what I did until I realized my life was in danger and I couldn’t bare anymore. A victim will always leave when they’ve had enough. Unfortunately for some that enough is accompanied with death.
There are so many people dealing with abuse & it’s not just women. Men are being abused too and they don’t speak on it for the same reason of victim shaming or the attacks of their manhood. Abuse has no age, gender, size or race. If you know someone who is dealing with abuse please help them by being the strength and support they need before judging them. It could be your mother, brother, sister or cousin. Be an outlet for them to speak and just listen. Do not ridicule or scorn them.
At any time a victim is ready to speak, let them speak. It doesn’t matter how long the abuse has been going on, they are letting the pain out of their system and that needs to happen in order to start their healing process. There is also no time limit on a person’s healing process, they just need to start. Everyone’s healing process is also different, however therapy is definitely needed. Therapy can be from speaking about it, to writing about it. I did both and I advise people to do both, especially if you have no one to talk to. Get a journal and write through the pain. We need to start healing our community and taking our wellness seriously.
Our mental health is the control center for everything inside of us. It should be just as important as going for your yearly doctor visits, or even more frequently. We must also hold our friends and family members accountable for their actions if they ever become an abuser. Not saying anything is just as bad as enabling their behavior and they will never change.
** If you or anyone is currently going through any form of abuse and need someone to speak with people google the abuse hotline in your area or TEXT 954-314-4064 or email melanin.rych@gmail.com. As a Certified Life Coach I am here to help you on your life’s journey to the happiness your deserve. You can book a one on one session with me at www.linktr.ee/Melanin_Rych